


Scrawny and Brawny: Experts of SMASH

by Eshnoazot



Series: Skirting the lines between fandoms. [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: By popular demand, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-15
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2018-01-01 15:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1045486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eshnoazot/pseuds/Eshnoazot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"SCRAWNY HELP HULK SMASH MOLEMAN," Hulk insisted, "HULK TEACH SCRAWNY SMASH. SCRAWNY SMASH BETTER."</p><p>"How do you even have a super-intern?" Ironman called out, through the sounds of rabbits, smashing and repulsers, "I'm not even allowed to train a super-intern and I'm Ironman."</p><p>"HULK FOUND SCRAWNY LIKE PUPPY."</p><p>"Did you just call me a stray?" Stiles called back in affront, narrowing his eyes, "You can't just adopt me! I protest, I object, this is like a shotgun wedding and I don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scrawny and Brawny: Experts of SMASH

**Author's Note:**

> For sunshineonleith, glyph_zero, Luflice and kit451, who wanted a sequel to 'Merry Christmas, Green-and-Jolly'.  
> I hope it lives up to your expectations!

_'_ _New York, New York: The big apple. The city of dreams, the city of lights- The City So Nice, They Named It Twice.'_ Stiles thought dramatically, as he sipped his borderline-digestible decaf coffee _, 'And apparently the city of mad scientists.'_

The cafe was more crowded than it had been five minutes ago. As soon as the supervillian of the week had cackled and released his aptly named 'monster of the week' into the general population, everyone had seemingly turned to each other, shrugged and went _'well fuck it_ ' and turned back to their tablets and phones and watery coffee. He was pretty sure that at least 90% of the people in the cafe were currently live tweeting the fight between _Genetic Supervillian number 56#_ and the Avengers, with even more filming the incident happening outside the shitty overpriced Starbucks. 

Stiles sipped his coffee again, and eyed the fight occurring outside the cafe in half-interest. The supervillian in question was still booming out taunts and jests from somewhere in the city; really hacking the wifi to broadcast taunts had been an utterly brilliant move by _Generic Supervillian 56#_ , but on the other hand, when the evil villain had broadcasted his image onto every screen in the city, he had seriously lost points.

 _Like, a lot_ \- revealing your secret identity when you haven't even proven yourself to be an effective source of chaos? Rookie mistake. As it were, he estimated at the most an hour before a member of the totally secret-but-not-really organisation known as SHIELD busted down his front door, and threw him in a dungeon so secret that not even _Wikileaks_ knew about it.

Also, a bunch more had to be confiscated for wearing an evil villain costume that looked like it came from the sad side of an 80's themed op-shop. Apparently, no supervillian knew of the art of chucking together a basic costume for shenanigans and tomfoolery andskulduggery, because anyone who called themselves evil and used _taffeta_ obviously hadn't put any thought into being taken seriously by _anyone_.

He was starting to believe that SHIELD totally just grew bargain basement supervillian and released them weekly to keep the Avengers from wasting their budget on beer and burritos.

Their costumes were _probably_ designed by scorned interns. (Although he used the term 'designed' very loosely.)

He snorted into his coffee as he edged closer to the door; trusty illegally modified baseball bat inside his backpack at a moment’s notice. True, when supervillian tried their weekly half-hearted world domination ploy, he mostly kept to the sidelines just in case anyone needed a little help, but besides the occasional helpless old lady or harmless children being cornered, the Avengers were pretty effective at damage control and managing the operation.

Seriously, he had heard of no other superhero that actually cared about _keeping a perimeter_.

These folks were _revolutionary._

Most of the Avengers were currently outside, clearing up the last of the genetically engineered aggressive super rabbits that _Generic Supervillian 56#_ had unleashed onto the population. Besides the fact, that well, they had _freaking lasers_ on their backs, and metal exoskeletons, they were pretty harmless. Especially since the lasers appeared to be remotely controlled, rather than anything the rabbits could actually use when the Avengers got a hold of them. Pretty _useless_ minions in all.

_Although..._

Stiles frowned as another wave of rabbits appeared out of nowhere, until sheer numbers had the Avengers back into the thick of the action. The pro's of using a creature with a super-accelerated reproductive system was becoming incredibly clear now, especially as a _third wave_ appeared once more.

Tribbles.

_Freakin' tribbles._

Stiles sighed as the last of his not-quite-coffee went down his throat as he awkwardly shuffled towards the door, and mournfully remembers the days when he could be an abject coward. The days before werewolves had infected him with their Gryffindorish traits, and _heroisms_. Being a Slytherin had been a totally better shtick, to be honest. Glancing around quickly, he assessed the situation and dropped his bag, recovering his bat and while he pulled up the hood of his beautiful red hoodie. He barely had time to pat the bag of bastardised mountain ash-wolfbane stuffed into the pocket of his hoodie before he leapt forward into the action.

"Kid, what do you think you're doing-" Captain America cried out, "Get back- It's not safe."

Swinging widely he propelled a rabbit back into a building, and watched as its skin turned an unsettling variety of black. Before he had any time to wonder why the heck his bat was now Death's sickle, he dropped and rolled and managed to take out the soft underbellies of several rabbits in an epic move worthy of Skyrim.

_Fuck_

_Yeah._

"I'm cool here, Pops." He called back to Captain America; he looked askance at the idea of a teenager in the middle of a serious serious battle- mutant laser rabbits aside, the Avengers made no move to remove him from the thick of the battle. It could have been because quite frankly, they were effectively blockades by fur, but somewhere deep inside his blacked heart, he attributed it to their acceptance that he was totally an honorary Avenger right now.

_Stiles Stilinski, Junior Avenger._

_Suck that Mr. Harris._

**"SCRAWNY!"** The sudden fog-horn like explosion behind his ears unsettled him for a few moments before two huge arms grabbed him and lifted him out of his circle of dead rabbits, depositing him next to Ironman who glanced between the two before going back to barbequing the rabbits with his awesome hand-repulser things.

"Hey there big guy! Have you been working out, because I'm definitely noticing a whole new category of 'I will wreck all the things', especially since I'm pretty sure now that you classify as your own celestial body- I mean," Stiles hurriedly paused, "Like gravity. Science. I was trying for a science gag and I think it got away from me, but yes you pull your own gravity now huh saved it!"

"No you didn't," Ironman cut in, with an amused tone to his words, "But by all means, don't let me interrupt your painful awkward bromance."

"There is no bromance going on here," Stiles told him firmly.

 **"HULK TEACH SCRAWNY SMASH,"** The Green Guy responded cheerfully, **"SO SCRAWNY NOT PUNY."**

"You make friends quickly, Kid." Ironman responded, thoughtfully blasting a rabbit about to go for Stiles' shins.

 **"SCRAWNY HELP HULK SMASH MOLEMAN,"** Hulk insisted, **"HULK TEACH SCRAWNY SMASH. SCRAWNY SMASH BETTER."**

"How do you even have a super-intern?" Ironman called out, through the sounds of rabbits, smashing and repulsers, "I'm not even allowed to train a super-intern and _I'm Ironman_."

**"HULK FOUND SCRAWNY LIKE PUPPY."**

"Did you just call me a stray?" Stiles called back in affront, narrowing his eyes, "You can't just adopt me! I protest, I object, this is like a shotgun wedding and I don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment."

Ironman made a weird noise as he fired his repulsers.

Stiles wondered if it was intentional that Ironman's repulsers made the _pew pew_ noises from Space Invaders.

 **"SCRAWNY SMELL LIKE PUPPY."**  Hulk explained, before his tone turned angry,  **"SMASH SCRAWNY SMASH!"**

Stiles was jolted back into reality where he had been standing in a field of mutant bunnies for the past thirty seconds, gossiping with two Avengers, "Sorry!"

Several minutes, one long hysterical snickering from the world's most popular walking toaster, and a significant amount of dead bunnies later, Stiles' brain finally caught up with the fact that the bunnies were clearly blackening where he had socked them with his bat.

 _What exactly made his bat special though?_ He mused, running through the modifications before hooting and flailing as the proverbial light bulb flashed. A fact so simple and beautiful that his ego told him that obviously he had been too smart to see it.

Listening to Dr. Deaton had told him that Wolfbane was pretty much toxic to anything, but he could now add _villainous rabbits_ to that list.

And he had a bag of the stuff in his pocket.

Victory had basically been handed to him on a freakin' _silver platter_.

"Yo, Big Guy!" Stiles called to Hulk with an excited flail, "I need a lift. I request a ride. I require transportation so I can smash from up high-"

He let out a strangled yelp as the Hulk lifted him up and dropped him on his shoulder with a grunt. Stiles swung a leg around the Hulk's neck, and clung to his newfound friends’ neck in terror.

"Oh wow this is really high, a lot higher than I thought it would be," He babbled, as the Hulk took out at least a dozen rabbits with a single blow from his fists, "Like really high, I bet you're the kind of guy that never has to ask for help when getting things from the top shelf of a supermarket. I feel like I'm a parrot, or something does that make you Captain Jade Jaws or-"

 **"SCRAWNY WANT CRACKER?"** Hulk responded solemnly.

Stiles gaped, "You _DO_ have a sense of humour."

The Hulk snorted, **"SCRAWNY HAVE PLAN OR** _ **TIRED**_ **?"**

The way he said tired made Stiles narrow his eyes, "I'm not puny! I do have a plan! I need you to climb that building like King Kong and then jump as far as you can across the rabbits so I can toss my wolfsbane over them, okay?"

The Hulk huffed again, but climbed the building with a sour expression. As soon as the Hulk turned, Stiles swore he could see his life flashing before his very eyes as the part of his plan that he hasn't thought out came into focus. 

The part where he was going to be clinging to Godzilla while he leapt at least a billion miles.

_Ironman could have totally done this._

Still, adrenaline flooding his veins he somehow managed to throw handfuls of the powder in his pocket into the air, and watched in delight as the rabbits blackened and died from contact with the damned stuff. The Hulk huffed again, and landed with a huge crater on the otherside of the Avengers, just in time to see the look of confusion on Captain America's face as everything died.

"Hell yeah!" Stiles crooned, with a double victory fist pump. The Hulk took the opportunity to shrug his shoulders and send his student straight onto the floor with a groan.

The Hulk huffed again, looking miserable, **"SCRAWNY KILL RABBITS WITH** _ **DUST**_ **. NO** _ **SMASHING**_ **."**

"Ugh, sorry buddy," Stiles blearily looked up and patted his calf, "Next time I swear, just smashing. No dust."

The Hulk seemed to accept his promise, but huffed again, kicking a nearby rabbit across the street like a petulant child.

 **"LIKE PUNY BANNER,"** The Hulk continued, **"SCRAWNY HULK'S FRIEND. NOT BANNERS."**

It took all of three seconds for the words to register in Stiles head, and simultaniously make him feel all warm and fuzzy, and like a total dick. Even though he just _saved the freakin' day_ -

"I'll make it up to you," Stiles continued talking, because if there was something he could not do, it was shut up.

 **"CHRISTMAS CARD?"** The Hulk questioned.

"Ugh, sure, if you want to wait half the year like a chump, I guess," Stiles announced, through his self-diagnosed concussion, "How about we go and get some Hamburgers?"

The Hulk eyed him suspiciously.

"Back at my place, we can hang out," Stiles continued as he sat up and blinked, "We're renovating. Demolition work. Kitchen, Bathroom, etcetera- You can help us smash stuff. Maybe carry stuff. You can have the cardboard boxes."

 **"**   _ **W** **ANT** _ _**HULK**   _ **TO** _ **SMASH HOUSE** _ **?"**

"Brawny, you are the _BEST_ at Smashing." Stiles solemnly announced, "Of course I want a smashing expert when I need to smash stuff."

The Hulk preened, **"PUPPIES?"**

"Sure," Stiles agreed with a bright smile, "I'm sure Derek will be your favourite!"

"Have fun on your date kids," Ironman appeared, "Do you need Medical Attention, _Helpful teenaged Vigilante_ , you look a little dazed."

"I just realized that I didn't work in a _'It's wabbit hunting season'_ joke into my banter," Stiles mournfully announced, "It was the _perfect_ set-up."

Ironman looked equally as stricken.

**"HULK MEET PUPPIES?"**

"No funny business." Ironman grinned widely, "Now you crazy kids better head off before Mom and Pops comes and takes you into custody."

"I'll have him back by midnight," Stiles promised with wide eyes, "C'mon Brawny, we better leave before my Dad has to bail me out again."

Ironman grinned, "Wait- _again_?"

 


End file.
